we kept it safe and slow

So, about an hour ago I'm in line at our campus coffeeshop, and a non-fannish friend of mine walks in. We exchange our usual dorky squeeing hugging greetings, and then this conversation happens:

( cut for deep hilarity )

At this point, I put my coffee on a nearby table and doubled over laughing. It's hilarious to convert friends to fandom; it's entirely another for them to find it on their own.

God, I love the universe.

There was so much to love about tonight's SGA. I missed the first nine minutes of "Prodigal," but what I saw was delightful.

( cut for spoiling like a spoily thing )

PS if you have not already read this then your life is meaningless. Obama = lj's new fandom. *g*

Seriously. Oh, thank god we didn't fuck this one up.

President-elect Obama. Jesus, that sounds good.

I'm at the official wrap-party for our campaign office, and this 96 year old African-American woman I work with has just made me cry. If I sleep for the next twelve hours, do you think my sunburn from canvassing/driving/electioneering will be gone by the time I wake up?

PS - PRESIDENT ELECT OBAMA. HELL YES WE CAN.

So, I'm sure all your flists are going to be flooded with these posts today, and probably have been for weeks. I'm still not going to apologize - except to y'all non-Americans on my flist, because you have got to be sick of hearing about our stupid election you don't get to vote in.

I don't usually bring up politics on LJ because fandom is my place where I can abandon a fair portion of my real world concerns and read porn.

This may have led y'all to believe that I'm not really into politics. This would be the opposite of anything resembling reality. My undergraduate degree is in international relations and political science; I watch CSPAN2 for fun; I've worked at the polls in every election since I was legally allowed to; I'm the kind of policy hack who lies awake at night worrying about loose nukes; I work for the Obama campaign as the regional youth vote organizer for St. Louis, and two years ago I worked for the (unsurprisingly unsuccessful) Chris Bell gubernatorial campaign in Texas; I competed for eight years on my high school and college debate teams and I currently assistant coach several schools in an urban debate league, as well as the college I competed for. Politics is something I eat, sleep, and breathe.

Which is why I don't usually bring it up on LJ.

Today, I really need to vent.

I'm a nervous wreck.

I mean, I've been obsessively going over polling data, not to mention the sheer number of hours I've spent canvassing and phone banking and organizing in this lovely swing state I live in, and I'm having trouble finding a mathematical explanation for how we could lose (As if it isn't apparent, "we" here refers to the Obama/Biden campaign specifically, and the Democratic ticket in general). Even if McCain wins every single toss-up state, Obama's ahead in electoral votes. Hell, even if McCain wins every single toss-up state and Pennsylvania, Obama's ahead, though it's tight at that point.

I'm still a nervous wreck.

I've literally sat down with polling averages and breakdowns and re-calculated them to assume a universally applied Bradley affect, to assume that the 18-24 demographic doesn't show up, to assume that Obama eats an infant onstage at nine this morning (okay, maybe not the last one). I haven't worried this much about statistics since I took AP Stat my senior year of high school. My roommate thinks I'm ridiculous, my bosses think I'm nuts, the university debate team has print-outs of my math taped to the walls of the office. My co-workers at the campaign office have placed on moratorium on my discussing numbers. With anyone.

Look. All this rambling is designed to prove pretty much one thing: my sanity depends on voter turnout. Which means that all of you crazy kids on my flist who're registered to vote in the US are directly in control of my sanity. You wouldn't want me to lose my mind, would you?

PS, once the election is over I fully intend to send my livelongnmarry fic to its owner, and post my HappyFest fic. These things will happen as soon as I get over my post-election hangover. Let us all pray it's a victory party induced hangover, and not a depressive hangover. Because then I'll have to accept that offer from the U of Toronto, and nobody wants that. Except maybe the U of Toronto.

Seriously. If you love me, or kittens, or rainbows, or anything at all in the universe, stand in the damn line and vote. Preferably for Obama, but honestly, you can write in Stephen Colbert if you want. Just please vote.

I now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.

You guys, my poor roommate cried for like fifteen minutes at the end of "Help" last night. I fed her cocoa and cookies, but I have no idea what she's going to do when we finish the season. She's going to be devastated after "Chosen," since Anya and Spike are her favorite characters.

I'm trying to resist telling her that Angel S5 will make it better (at least re: Spike), because she wants to be unspoiled, but - I don't like it when she cries! I get all flaily and helpless!

Ack. Off to work with me, now.

Uh, so, team? If you were one of those people who offered unspecified bribes to read the One Where Rodney's Straight (which is what I've been calling it in my head and my word processor for weeks now), it's time to pony up. I need somebody who'll cheerlead me through it, and by this I mean - pseudobeta. Eventually I'll need a real beta, clearly, but right now I'm all omg I've forgotten how to write and why does John sound so much like Buffy?!?! and Rodney, take your pants off, please, baby, please. I don't need someone who's going to be all, "This is ooc and your commas are fucked." I need someone who's going to be all, "Sure, these twelve sentences you've written are a great start. You can do this!"

Volunteers?

(ps, John sounds like Buffy because my new roommate has never seen BtVS, which I've remedied by showing her six seasons in three weeks. We just finished "Grave," so the poor baby's all grief-stricken and weepy, and she just keeps saying "Spike! Buffy! Bathroom! NOT OKAY." And I can't even be like, "Don't worry, everything will get better." Because it doesn't. Instead, I'm comforting her with a steady stream of dirty and hot Spike/Buffy recs, as that is her expressed favorite pairing. So I ask for your assistance, dears: dirtykinkybadwrong Spike/Buffy, pre-S7?)

(pps, I have to hide the dvd covers and episode summaries from her, because they keep being spoiler-fucking-tastic. I've never noticed this before because hi, I know the ending. What are you doing to me, Joss?)

I want to write a story where John's gay and in love with Rodney. (Bear with me, here, I know I've just described 60% of all SGA fic)They've agreed (without ever actually saying anything) never to talk about it, because Rodney's straight and that's that.

Until aliens make them do it, and all hell breaks loose.

It's WNGWJLEO for the current fandom generation, right? WNGWJLEO without any of the internalized homophobia and upsetting tendency to moralism, where Rodney's never been less than straight and finds gay sex mostly boring and uncomfortable, but John loves him so fucking much it's ridiculous, and John puts so much effort into making the sex good that Rodney feels kinda bad not giving it another shot.

So he does.

It gets exponentially better without the perverted voyeur aliens, enough so that Rodney actually enjoys it, and John is so happy that Rodney just - keeps doing it. Maybe Rodney visits Jeannie for whatever reason, and babbles about all his angst and sexual identity crises and whatnot, until finally Kaleb says, "Uh, listen, my specialty is modern British poetry; I'm not exactly well-read in queer theory."

And Rodney explodes, like, "What, you actually specialize? How is there even enough hard information about modern British poetry to successfully write a thesis?"

Kaleb, of course, is frustrated and lost, so he gives in and just lets Rodney talk until Rodney decides he doesn't need to label himself, and doesn't say he's "gay" or "bi" or "queer" or whatever, but rather that he's "kind of weird about John, Jesus, why is this such a hard concept for everyone to understand? Your fixation on needing to label the diverse array of circumstances that make up an individual's sexual experience with broad generalizations (which are almost useless in describing an entire lifetime of momentary preferences and practices) is fairly disturbing. Think about what you're teaching Madison with all of this normative crap!"

When Rodney shares his revelation back on Atlantis John just smirks and gives him a blowjob, because really, John's okay being a big old homo. Plus, blowjobs.

So there are hijinks and shenanigans and sex0rs and finally TRUE LOVE PREVAILS. It shall be my statement on the limitations and pitfalls of static labels for something as fluid and complicated as human sexuality! My statement with porn.

Of course, I don't have time for this right now. School = hard. But I can't stop thinking about how much I want to write it.

My own personal sexual re-evaluation is ongoing, though it's becoming more and more apparent to me that boys, however pretty, aren't really the way to go romantically. I feel like if I could write a happy ending for Rodney's re-evaluation, it would make me feel twenty bajillion times better about my life. :)

You guys, if you haven't already read sheafrotherdon's latest bit of genius, go do it now. And These Are Mine to Misunderstand is a tag to The Shrine, yes, but at it's heart it's a love letter to Rodney McKay, and it left me breathless more than once.

The prose is exactly as gorgeous as I expect from sheafrotherdon, of course, but what really pulls me in is the way a series of memories from crucial moments in Rodney's life turn Meredith as a child into the adult Rodney we've come to love, and we can trace the way these things shape him through the way she writes his voice. The glimpses we get of Rodney's mother and Jeannie, especially, are wonderful, the way sheafrotherdon writes them as fully realized people outside of Rodney, but who we only see in bits and pieces through Rodney's eyes. It's achingly real.

And Sheppard, of course, is perfect, so quietly, beautifully in love it breaks your heart (in the good way).

Seriously, it's not that long. Go treat yourself.

Oh god, life is out to get me. I can't even think about work right now, because I'll go crazy - and classes start up again next week. Agh.

If you love me at all, you'll give me SGA prompts - I'm in the worst writer's block zone ever, which is problematic because I have a livelongnmarry fic to write ASAP. I need something to jump-start my fingers on the damn keyboard.

Hey, anybody? When the hell did we develop hyposprays? Weren't they still using needles a few episodes ago?

*facepalm* Oh, SGA. If you weren't so very pretty...

Everyone, if you love Rodney or Teyla at all, you will go read this fic. Advanced Combinatorics by thingswithwings. It's Meredith/Teyla, where Meredith is and always has been a girl. But it's also - the picture it draws of Athosian culture, and of Teyla, is lovely and real. Their relationship with each other is really wonderfully drawn, the slow growth of love out of a friendship, and Teyla's baby is handled far, far better than on the show. Also, I want to date Meredith McKay. A lot. And there are bonus scenes of team interaction, where we get to see how John relates to Meredith, how the team dynamic works here.

And their commitment ceremony thing? Is actually very charming.

Speaking of lesbians and commitment ceremonies, go bid on my fic-writing services at livelongnmarry. I'll write an SGA fic of your choice, and proceeds go to marriage equality efforts in California. Or, if you're not in the mood for fic from me, go browse the comm and see if anything else strikes your fancy. Short on cash? Don't worry, baby, I feel you. Send me your virtual love instead, as I recover from oral surgery (which I never, ever want to have again, please god).

So, fandom is awesome. Here's my proof:



[copy-pasted from the userinfo] 

Live Long And Marry supports gay marriages in California directly, and gay rights the world over in spirit. The auction will raise money for the fight against the California initiative which will legally destroy existing same-sex marriages and ban any further ones. If the initiative passes, it will write discrimination into the state constitution, annull existing marriages, and make Mr. Sulu cry. Winning bidders may a donation to Equality For All, Marriage Equality USA, Equality California, or your preferred organization or coalition fighting for marriage equality. Or you can just go do it now! :D

I've offered an SGA fic, minimum 1000 words, almost certainly longer, here. Any pairing, any rating, any prompt. Always wanted somebody to write that Cadman/Dex knife!porn for you? I'm your gal. Like my colony!verse and hate that I haven't written the backstory for a specific part of it? Bribe me. Wonder why the hell there isn't more John gangbang fic? Baby, I'd love to write it for you.

I'd also love for George Takei's marriage to his partner of years to still be legally valid come November. I'd love for there to be one more state where I can marry whoever the fuck I want. I'd love for more people to recognize, even grudgingly, that I should have exactly as many rights as they do. Especially, I'd love for (a part of) my country to admit that I'm a goddamn citizen.

And the first person to say, "But you're mostly bi, couldn't you marry a dude?" is getting their head kicked.

Three more mcsheplets (table here), colony!verse, McKay/Sheppard.

siege [pg, the Wraith find Earth]

conversion [pg, the ZPM is finished]

suspicion [pg, Earth's leadership isn't happy]

Hi.

So, uh, clearly not dead. I know I'm awful about just randomly vanishing from LJ, but in my defense, I was in the Caribbean for a fair portion of my silence. (My mom called me the day after my last post and said, "Hey, your dad just ditched me for our trip [to the Dominican Republic]. Wanna use his ticket?" Four days later I was on a plane.

Beaches, rainforests, the whole nine yards. It was pretty much the greatest trip I've ever not paid for. On the other hand, it did mean listening to my mom's slightly drunken ramblings about her marriage problems, which are like herpes: they're in hiding most of the time, but once every few years there's an outbreak. I've given up on actually resolving any of the core problems; they're both just too stubborn to listen to anyone else.

Anyway, returned from the DR to lock myself in the nearest law library as an apology for abandoning my coworkers mid-project with little notice, dealt with my various internal crises, and realized a couple of weeks into this that I'd forgotten to get on LJ for approximately twenty bajillion years.

I'm sorry? Here, have some virtual cookies as an apology. Or porn? Anybody want a snippet? I'm trying to get the writing juices going again for mcshep_match, so I could use the prompting.

ETA: Hey, dS people (person?). What's the long-ish (three parts on LJ, I believe) story where the child porn guy makes RayK and Fraser and Frannie have sex in front of a camera? And no, it's not bad; it's actually really really good - the Ray voice is heartbreaking and sweet and Frannie is a badass. Help me, obi-flist!

Failing classes = kind of a terrible idea.

Just the one, but. Shit. I've never actually failed something before? And I'm kind of. Freaking out. A lot.

Seriously. Finals. What the fuck.

Meanwhile, a rec for you: With Intent by shaenie, McKay/Sheppard, NC17. Stick through part one, which is awesome but not, like, overwhelming, because when you get to part two you'll probably keel over from laughing so hard, and then possible explode, a little, from the hot. John is exactly as emotionally challenged as he should be, and Rodney is exactly as brilliant as he should be. Plus there's some great Ronon. It's fantastic. Plus: puddlejumper sex. Don't act like you don't like it. :)

Because of my post-breakup emo and finals-related ennui, not to mention ongoing sexual re-evaluation, wisheswerefish kidnapped me Friday night and took me to Chicago for the weekend. We went to a wide variety of assorted stores, where I spent money I didn't have on books, CDs, etc, and then she led me on a walking tour of approximate due South locations. We decided which apartment building Stella lived in, located where the Vecchio house should be, picked a park we're sure was Fraser's favorite, walked by the Canadian Consulate (which, btw, had no hot Mountie standing out front! Way to falsely advertise, Canada!), and attempted to figure out the best place to drive an exploding Riviera into Lake Michigan. A good time was had by all.

We ended by seeing Greasy Joan's production of Macbeth, which was fabulous in the extreme. ( uh, spoilers for Macbeth, I guess, but if you don't know how it ends I'm not sure why I know you... )

Off to cry into my coffee and stare pathetically at textbooks.

I've been meaning to post about my ongoing sexual re-evaluation (it sounds so much better than "crisis," don't you think?), but finals are kind of getting in the way of my confusion - it's really hard to worry about my inability to have good sex with men when I have exams and deadlines looming.

Clearly, the solution to my worries is to write ficlets. Two more, set in the colony!verse (tag for all fic in that 'verse), for mcsheplets table here.

submersion [pg-13, the morning after]



tower [pg, Rodney asks John to move in with him]



Okay. Now maybe I can get some real work done, hmm?

Hey, go vote in the mcshep_match drabble tree challenge. Preferably for Team Away *waves pom-poms*, but whatever. Participation = cool. I've got six drabbles up; you know you like 'em.

And why, in response to that, do I do memes on the internet instead of studying?

Book meme, gakked from...somewhere. What we have here is the top 106 books most often marked as "unread" by LibraryThing’s users. As in, they sit on the shelf to make you look smart or well-rounded. Bold the ones you've read, underline the ones you read for school, italicize the ones you started but didn't finish.

( book list )I'm working on a longer post to put up later about my identity crisis (and it even has Sheppardian examples, which is all for you, guys), but right now I'm going to go scrounge up some cheap coffee, because I'm so tired my brain might very well be melting.

Bonus icon use - the meme's about "higher literature" or whatever, so Geoffrey Tennant = perfectly logical icon. Also, pretty. *pets him*

One of my fannish goals is achieved; I've been searched on sgastoryfinders . What, an attention whore? Me? No way. Seriously, though, I've always wanted to be the answer to request there. I feel like a fannish grownup.

Question: If I posted a really long, rambling, confused entry about, say, a sexual incident that happened this weekend, and if it happened to include way too much information about my sex life, would you read it? I'd probably f-lock it, which I usually don't do, but sexual identity crises should be kept between friends, I imagine. I haven't actually seriously questioned my sexuality since, like, junior high. This is blowing my mind, and my RL friends = mostly amused and unhelpful. So, poll:

( poll )